i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
