remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
