I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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