my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
