omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's shark week go big or go home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
