I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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