So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
