I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
