I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
