I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My liver just had a heart attack.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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