I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
