Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
