Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
