wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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