nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
