I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
