I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
