I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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