On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
