I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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