From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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