Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
