At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
