I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
