and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
