today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
