can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize