Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
