He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
