Your mouth is God's brothel.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
