Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is my gift to your gina
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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