It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
