too bad you live with your parents still
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
