I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
