How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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