a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
