matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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