how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
