We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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