It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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