You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
