i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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