Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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