dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
