Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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