Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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