i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
