Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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