I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
