Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you had me at cake vodka
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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