I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
